We can all make mistakes from
time to time. But when we do, how
can we ensure that there is enough trust built up that those affected can be
confident that things will right themselves? When dealing with employees, clients or suppliers we need to
build up enough of a relationship to cover for these eventualities. But how?
Stephen
Covey in 'The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People' uses
the metaphor of the Emotional Bank Account to describe
"the amount of trust that’s been built up in a relationship".
This account begins on a neutral balance. And just as with
any bank account, we can make deposits and withdrawals. However, instead of
dealing with units of monetary value, we deal with emotional units.
If you make enough deposits with others through courtesy,
kindness, honesty and keeping your commitments to them, you build up a
reserve. Others trust in you
becomes higher and you can call upon that trust if you need to. When the trust is high, communication
is easy, instant and effective.
When you are kind, honest, caring and friendly to another person, you
make deposits on an Emotional Bank Account.
However, if you are unkind, disrespectful, uncaring and
mean, you draw from this account. And when we make withdrawals and our balance
becomes low or even overdrawn, bitterness, mistrust and discord develops. If we
are to salvage the relationship, we must make a conscious effort to make
regular deposits.
There are six major deposits we can make to the emotional bank account:
Understanding the individual
One person's mission is another person's minutia. To make a deposit, what is important to
another person must be as important to you as the other person is to you.
Attending to the seemingly insignificant
Kindnesses and courtesies are so important. Forms of disrespect make large
withdrawals. In relationships, the
things that can seem insignificant to you can count for others.
Keeping commitments
Keeping a commitment is a major deposit; breaking one is a
major withdrawal. In fact there's
probably no larger withdrawal than to make a promise that's important to
someone and then not to come through.
Clarifying expectations
The cause of many relationship difficulties is often rooted
in conflicting or ambiguous expectations around roles and goals. Unclear expectations will lead to
misunderstanding, disappointment and withdrawals of trust. Many expectations are implicit and the
deposit is to make the expectations clear and explicit in the beginning. This takes a real investment of time
and effort up front, but saves great amounts of time and effort in the long
run. When expectations are not
clear and shared, simple misunderstandings become compounded, turning into
personality clashes and communication breakdowns. It does, however, take courage.
Showing personal integrity
Lack of integrity can undermine almost any other effort to
create high trust accounts. It
goes beyond honesty. Integrity is
conforming to the reality of our words - keeping promises and fulfilling
expectations. One way of
manifesting integrity is to be loyal to those who are not present.
Apologising sincerely when you make a withdrawal
Great deposits come in the sincere words - “I was wrong”, “I
showed you no respect”, “I'm sorry”.
It takes a great deal of character strength to apologise. A person must have a deep sense of
security to genuinely apologise.
It is one thing to make a mistake, and quite another not to admit it.
We don’t need money to make a deposit on the Emotional Bank
Account of any relationship, and won’t feel richer if we withdrew from it.
Nevertheless, it is so easy to waste and erode the level of trust by being
thoughtless and critical.
Caroline runs Zeal Coaching and she will be speaking on Motivating
your team at the Grow Your Business event on 13th May. To subscribe to her newsletter visit
www.zealcoaching.com
Recent Comments